The Agents in The Three Musketeers
by Harmony Valenka Smith
Summary: From the characters in The Agents Series comes a crossover of epic proportions. Perry, Pinky, and Doofy (Doofenshmirtz) are just normal janitors in an old-timey France, but their dream is to be royal musketeers. They get their wish, but it's not so easy as they originally thought. This is rated T (just to be safe). There's blood, "cartoonish physical violence," and some romance.
1. Chapter 1: Our Story Begins

**Instead of giving an author's note (well, a big one anyways), I'm going to let a couple of other, more worthy people introduce the story. I do not own the rights to ****_Phineas and Ferb_**** nor ****_Mickey, Donald, and Goofy: The Three Musketeers,_**** but you have to admit, they're both pretty awesome. All rights to all products go to their proper owners. Now, let's go. (Before I forget, this isn't part of the series, so you can skip it if you want.)**

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><p><span>Chapter 1: Our Story Begins<span>

It's dark a moment, but then a spotlight turns on, revealing a stage with a red curtain backdrop. A tapping sound, like bare feet on a floor, begins emanating from off-stage. A small figure enters the spotlight from stage left. It's a small platypus with a brown fedora and a full, three-piece black suit. His bow-tie, pocket handkerchief, and feather (on his hat) are all a striking red. The platypus taps one webbed foot impatiently, looks at his wristwatch, then looks stage right. He's waiting for someone.

From stage right, another sound starts becoming prominent. It's the sound of clomping feet, like from someone who has poor posture. A tall man with windblown brown hair comes into the spotlight. He too is wearing a three-piece suit with red decor, but, unlike his stage partner, he has no hat nor feather. The man takes out some cards from his pocket, shuffling them around and looking them over. The platypus rolls his eyes and chatters to get the man's attention. The man nods and waves for something from off-stage. From below them, someone hands the man a microphone and the platypus a charged translator.

"Hello, I'm Perry," said the platypus.

"And I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated," said the man from his cards.

"We are going to put on a show for you all tonight that I hope you will all enjoy very much. The story is called: 'The Agents in The Three Musketeers,' " said Perry.

"Ooh, The Three Musketeers. That's a pretty famous story," commented Doofenshmirtz from off of his cards.

"Yes, and many people have made adaptations of it. The one we are going to be focusing on is a little closer to home though."

"But, Perry, what about the story we were supposed to be doing? What about that?" the man read purposely from his cards.

"Ah, 'The Agents of the Opera' shall come another time. It was at Penelope's call that we perform this and it was Phineas and Ferb who were able to make most everything you see here possible. This is recorded before we left to... a location we won't say right now."

The man went off the cards with: "It's pretty obvious where we're going though. I mean, unless meerkats are on different continents."

"Who said we were going to their native land anyway? Besides, I think we can all agree that with the Enigma in prison and everything being at a short lull, it shall be perfectly okay to take a break from all of that. A well deserved break, I think." Perry winked at this.

"Right, and I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated."

"You already said that."

"Oh, uh..." the man switched to a different card. "We hope you enjoyed this daring adventure of-"

"Now you're too far."

"Uh..." the man switched through cards manically. Eventually the cards fell and, in the man's effort to pick them up, he fell off the stage. Perry widened his eyes and ran to the edge of the stage to check on the man. "I'm okay, the fall was only five feet... onto my back."

"He's fine, he's had far worse than this," Perry addressed the audience. "Well, while I help the doctor back to his feet, please enjoy our production of The Three Musketeers as done with a version that is a favorite to all of us in our family." Perry leaped off the stage.

"I think I taste my spleen," said Doofenshmirtz. There was a sound of dragging as Doofenshmirtz became visible to the bottom edge of the stage. He seemed to be following someone (most likely Perry) to a place to rest. The doctor truly did appear to be fine.

The spotlight went out and some sounds were heard as the scene was set. The lights came back on to a full screen revealing the makers of the production. _P&F Productions. _Another screen. _In partnership with D.E.I. _Another screen. _P&F Productions Presents._ The performance began.

"Set dresser to the stage," said a woman from off screen.

"Check lights," said an off-stage man.

"Hey, where's that turtle with my narrator?" came another man's voice.

The title came to the screen: "Perry, Pinky, and Doofy: The Three Musketeers." The title goes away to reveal an orange turtle in a fedora, magazine in hand. The turtle seemed engrossed in his reading... perhaps too engrossed.

"_Singing, singing, singing, singing all say long. When I'm singing, there is nothing that is wrong. Musketeers, hey_!" The turtle gave a glance where the audience would be and, as if self-conscious about himself, stopped proclaiming so loudly. Instead, he went with, "_La, la, la, la, la, la, la._"

"Talent to the set, please!" the woman from before said.

"We're live in 60 seconds," said a man.

"60 seconds?!" the turtle was shocked and leaped from his chair, but not before making sure to stow away his magazine in his shell.

"Where's the narrator?" the woman sounded annoyed.

The turtle went up to a door with a gold star on it. "Mr. Narrator, Mr. Narrator! Sir, sir, it is time!" he knocked insistently on it while calling out loudly to the man inside. The door slammed open, crushing the poor turtle behind it. Ferb came out, book in hand. He really didn't want to read today. He began walking off, but not before the turtle began interrupting his progress.

"Sir, excuse me, but today is the day, right, sir? Because you promised I can sing my songs about the musketeers, right?" He took a lute from out of his shell and was about to begin when Ferb interrupted him.

"That was not something I arranged. Baljeet was supposed to read today, but he got sick. I took his place, even though I'd rather be spending time building something with Phineas," said Ferb.

"Oh. Then, perhaps I could try out one of them on you, sir?"

"I have no objections."

The turtle's face lit up as he began, "_All for one-_" His lute was taken from him by a passing Buford. The bully smashed the lute on the turtle's head, causing a comic effect in which his underwear was temporarily visible. Buford threw the lute away carelessly and was about to walk off when he looked in the direction the audience might have been and gave his say on the matter.

"What? I'm not allowed to bully turtles? Baljeet's sick! What am I supposed to do with all this free time?" asked Buford.

"You could try anger management classes," suggested Ferb.

"You know, if I didn't respect you, you'd be paste by now." Buford walked off, feeling a little steamed.

Ferb turned to Terry (the turtle). "I just want to get this done. I have a reputation to uphold, and I can't keep that if I'm reading a full-out novel," said Ferb. He had been agitated by the meaningless task.

"But, sir..." protested Terry quietly as Ferb walked away. Ferb had his nose in the book, reviewing it before having to read it aloud. He had thoughts of skimming it, or maybe projecting it into audience's minds by blinking. It worked with Phineas.

As Ferb walked, Terry noticed where he was headed. "Oh, no, no, no, wait, sir, the stage is-" He couldn't finish because Ferb had fallen into a trap door. "This way," he finished, pointing the other way. The book Ferb had in his hands somehow bounced up from down below. It was now flying through the air.

"Let's have some quiet, people," came a man's voice.

"Five seconds to air," said another. By this time, the book had struck Terry and began to ricochet him around.

"Cue music," said another.

"And... action!" By this time, Terry had unfortunately wound up in the chair that was meant to be Ferb's chair. The lights were on and the camera was rolling.

"What's that turtle doing out there?" asked one.

"Where's the narrator?" asked another.

"We're live," said a woman in realization and wariness.

"Just go with it," said a man. To the turtle, he said, "Hey, you! Don't just sit there like a turtle! Do something!" Terry was incredibly camera-shy. He found his head going into his shell to hide a moment, hoping it would all go away. His head re-emerged and the man continued, "You're on camera! For crying out loud, say somethin'!"

"Uh... hello," Terry said shyly. As he shook with fear, his magazine fell into his lap.

"Tell the story!" the man went on.

Terry was struck with an idea then. He was, after all, holding a comic in his hands. (A big enough comic that it looked like a magazine.) He could very well tell _this _story. Besides, with his head in a book the whole time, he'd forget the camera was even there. "Ah," he said aloud, voicing his epiphany. He cleared his throat shakily, but said, in as confident a voice as he could muster, "Today I will tell you the story of... _da da da, _'The Three Musketeers'!" He waved his comic around proudly. "This is my favorite version: the one with pictures! And, of course, _my songs,_" he laughed triumphantly. He'd get to sing his songs after all.

He began: "Our story begins in the gutter..." The first picture is that of a younger Perry, Pinky, and Doofy (Doofenshmirtz). A small chameleon was on Perry's shoulder. They were in urchins' clothing and Perry was sadly cutting out a tin can with a fork and knife. The other two were looking at it sadly. They were possibly thinking: _Worst. Meal. Ever. _

The turtle continued: "...where poor street urchins, Perry, Pinky, and Doofy struggle to survive."

The picture changes to one of a bunch of bad guys: Dr. Diminuative, Dr. Bloodpudding, and Rodney. They had Doofy and Pinky in a state of fear, while Steve (the chameleon) and Perry were defiant to the bad guys (even though they were the only ones in their clutches). "Oh no! Bad guys! Will anyone defend these innocent children? Anyone? Anyone?! Well? Anyone?" The pictures changed a few times, showing the three getting thrown around by the bad guys before the scene changed again.

"Ah ha! The royal musketeers!" Terry proclaimed triumphantly. A golden silhouette showed around three tall, dark, and handsome men in uniform who had come to save the day. A few pictures go by of the musketeers throwing around the bad guys.

"And after the dust settles, a kindly musketeer gives Perry a gift." It was a specially made brown hat, exclusive to those who served in the musketeers. Little Perry tried it on, but the hat drooped onto his bill, covering his eyes. "Ah, don't worry, Perry, you'll grow into it."

Another picture showed a golden silhouette around the three children in musketeer costume (well, the best they could do, anyway). They had wooden swords and each of them had some sort of hat on their heads (Pinky had a pot on his head). Steve beamed proudly from Perry's shoulder. Terry continued the story: "From that day on, Perry, Pinky, and Doofy dreamed of being great musketeers!" The picture transitioned to a picture of the trio (and pet) grown up in janitor's clothing and gear. "Ah, but as the years passed, their dream was still as far away as ever. You see, before their dream can come true, our three heroes must learn the real meaning of the musketeer creed: 'All for one and one for all'! And, I just so happen to have a song about this!" He laughed triumphantly. The scene had taken a change and Terry had become part of the scenes in the story. As he had always dreamed, he was being a troubadour, just like in the days of old. He began playing his lute in a merry tune...

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><p><strong>Okay, so it's pretty basic thus far. If there's anything I should put in, let me know. I'll put up the cast at the end of the story. It will be my end credits ;) I hope you guys like the story so far and I hope you will keep reading and reviewing. Please and thank you :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2: Musketeers Sing!

**For the sake of keeping things easy and understandable, the animals have translators. That is all.**

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><p><span>Chapter 2: Musketeers Sing!<span>

Terry began playing his lute in a merry tune just as several musketeers on horseback were coming up behind him. Phineas, Monty, Irving, and Albert were among the many musketeers there. The song was sung by Terry and all the other musketeers. It went like this:

"_All for one, hey!_" they all sang.

"_All for one and one for all!_" sang Monty.

"_Musketeers sing all for one and one for all!_" Terry's voice was more obvious on the creed part, but other than that, it was all of them. They all continued: "_If you dare to cross our path, prepare to fall, 'cause we'll fight you. All for one and one for all and all for one and one for all and all for one and all!_

"_So, if you think you'd care to kick some derriere you know that as a musketeer you'd be so fearsome. If you believe you're manly, come and join our family. Soon, we'll make sure you're a musketeer._"

Watching the musketeers training on their swords were Perry, Pinky, and Doofy. They were looking at them amazed. These guys were their idols.

"Man, look at 'em, guys. That's gonna be us out there someday... I just know it," said Perry, his eyes shining in optimism.

"I can't wait," said Doofy.

"Yeah, me too, man," said Pinky in a Latino accent.

"_All for one all men of honor hear the call. Musketeers sing: All for one and one for all! All for one, hey! All for one and one for all. All for one, hey! All for one and one for all and all for one and one for all and all for one and all!_" The musketeers sang.

"All for one and one for all!" proclaimed Terry. With that, the song finished.

The scene changes to Perry. He's putting shoe shine on musketeer shoes. Doofy is mopping the floor and Pinky is getting tools from a toolbox. "Yep, janitors today, musketeers tomorrow," said Perry optimistically.

Just then, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Only a few inches off the ground, his hat was floating toward him. It came onto the bench he was working on and it turned out to be Steve the chameleon bringing him his hat. The little reptile let out a cute throaty noise and set the hat in front of Perry. "Hey, my lucky musketeer hat! Thanks, Steve," said Perry, stroking a finger on the chameleon's head. The little guy let out a contented noise at the treatment. "Remember when the musketeers gave me this hat, Steve? They even autographed it. See?" He picked up the brim of the hat to reveal the signatures of Phineas, Monty, Irving, and Albert in fancy script. "I can't wait to be a great big hero..." His daydream was cut short with a hit to the back of his head from Doofy's mop. "Ow! Careful, Doofy!" In his recoil, he accidentally knocked the pot of shoe shine into Doofy's mop water. He didn't seem to notice it... and neither did Doofy.

"Sorry, Perry..." said Doofy to Perry. He put his mop into the mop water to get some "fresh water" as he continued. "I can't wait to be a musketeer either. I have plenty of good ideas. Musketeers could use a clever guy like me..." He might have continued, but he just so happened to look down just then to notice the floor stained and dirty. He tried to mop it out, but only succeeded in making it worse.

"Hey, Pinky! What about you?" asked Perry.

Pinky had selected a pipe wrench from his toolbox and was working on a pipe just then. "Are joo kidding, man? Musketeers need men like me that are brave," Pinky said, wiggling his eyebrows meaningfully.

"Yeah, and they need guys that are brave too," said Perry, polishing a boot with a rag.

"That's what I said, brave," said Pinky. Just then, the pipes rattled, causing Pinky to jump into hiding. After a moment, he came out of his hiding place in his toolbox, looked at the pipe and, seeing it to be stable, laughed a little at himself.

Meanwhile, a few floors up, the Enigma was getting undressed for a shower. He hummed to himself contentedly before he shifted his wooden leg into the bath painfully. Then, he grabbed his soap and scrub brush from the floor. "Yes, it is most assured, I've been looking forward to this all month," he said, a small smile on his face.

Back with Perry, Pinky, and Doofy, the three were still up to their chores. Doofy had gone to get something to fix his mess: sandpaper. "Maybe I can sand it out," he said, coming in with a whole stack of sandpaper. He began sanding away at the mess on the floor, but little did he know, one of the pieces of sandpaper wound up on Perry's workbench.

When Perry reached back for his rag, he came up with the sandpaper instead. He was off somewhere else in his mind as the sandpaper sanded off the boot. When the dust cleared, he found nothing left of the boot but the bottom. He gasped at the result. He looked in his hand where the sandpaper still was and went "Huh?!" wondering how sandpaper wound up on his bench.

To fix his mistake, Perry took a complete boot from the bench, ripped it apart, and tried slamming the top half of the boot onto the bottom. It had a little difficulty sticking at first, but then, it looked like it worked. It stayed put! For maybe one second before peeling apart. Perry's smile went down with the peeling bottom. He looked around nervously, searching for another solution to his problem. It was then that he noticed there was a jar of glue on the top shelf of the nearby cupboard. He climbed up the pipes and onto a valve. Independent by nature, he wanted to do it himself. He reached for the glue, just inches from his fingers. "Almost..." he reached for it more, but he caused the valve under him to turn. In trying to regain his balance, the valve turned madly under his feet, causing pressure to build. This caused problems on Pinky's end.

Pinky was working on the pipes with a pipe wrench, trying to make a good seal. The pressure in the pipes built up by Perry came to him and caused the pipe to expand, then rip off the wall, whipping the poor dog around. It had become a hose of water, shooting water everywhere. Poor Pinky held on for dear life.

On the Enigma's end, he was enjoying his shower still. As he was scrubbing himself up, he sang a song to himself, "_A I am Avarice, B I am Badness_..." He bared his teeth into the water, biting at it. Suddenly, the water flow stopped. "What?" He looked at the shower head, mystified as to why it stopped.

Back downstairs, Doofy had gone from sandpaper to a floor buffer, still trying to get the show polish off the floor. The poor man was too thin to be able to hold onto it well enough though. He would soon lose control.

Pinky wasn't having much luck with the pipe either. It had stopped whipping him around and was instead wrapped about him like a snake. Water was still coming out and he was batting at the spout with his pipe wrench, trying to get it to stop. The pipe was somehow able to wrap around the pipe wrench and was coming after Pinky. He ran away in fear. As he ran away, the pipe came off the wall further, snapping out of its brackets.

Perry was still trying to reach the glue on the shelf. "Almost... got it," he said hopefully. The jar was close to gracing his fingers. Doofy came over on the buffer and collided with the wall. This caused the cupboard to shake and the glue fell off the shelf. Perry caught it before it hit the ground. "I got it!" It was too soon though. Doofy collided with him and in the process, the jar got onto his head. Perry held onto the buffer for dear life screaming, "Whoa! Doofy, look out!" Pinky was running their way, still running from the pipe. They all collided. Now they weren't just on a ride with the buffer, but the pipe streaming water was also a propeller. The pipe's brackets came off further, now affecting the floors above them. This led to the Enigma's shower. As he was tapping the shower head, still wondering why water wasn't coming out, the tub fell out of the floor. The pipe being dragged by the janitors downstairs was attached to his tub. So, he fell through a few floors until he reached the bottom in a cloud of dust.

The three janitors had since gotten tangled in the pipe. They watched as the shower head came rolling their way from the tub. They looked to the tub as the curtain opened to a dazed Enigma. Perry was the first to take initiative. "Oh, Captain Enigma!" He said with a salute. His two friends followed suit. The Enigma may or may not have saluted back, but, being dazed as he was, he just fell out of the tub in a damp heap.

Once the Enigma came to his senses and got dressed, he threw the three janitors into the laundry room. The three were thrown against a wall before they fell in a heap on the floor. "Now, listen, you yardsticks! I am sick and tired of your screw-ups! You guys are hopeless! I leave you for five minutes and I come back to a disaster!" He had hobbled into the room with his wooden leg and crutch. It didn't help that his left eye was gone as well as his left leg. He still stood as an intimidating person over the three though.

Perry came to the meek defense. "Well, we were practicing our teamwork so that we can be good musketeers," he said as he got out of the heap.

"Musketeers?" The Enigma started chuckling, then full-out laughing. It sounded to him like the greatest joke ever written. He actually collapsed onto his side and started banging a barrel and smashing his crutch on the ground at the hilarity of it all. The three friends were now all standing and watching the captain, mystified. After a few aftershock laughs, the Enigma got up onto his feet again, put his crutch back under his arm, and took out a handkerchief. He began wiping his forehead with it. He breathed out, calming himself. "That's priceless," he said.

"But we could work really hard and prove ourselves, Captain Enigma! And then would you let us be musketeers?" Perry asked, giving his most adorable smile.

"Well, there's three things wrong with that," said the Enigma. "One!" He pointed at Pinky, who yiped and shrunk into his hat to hide. Little lights where the dog's eyes were showed from under the hat. "You're a coward!" the Enigma finished for Pinky.

"Two..." the Enigma continued. He made two fingers and made his way to Doofy. The poor man was making a poor case for himself. There was a dial tone heard and the Enigma realized it came from Doofy. He leaned into the man's ear and heard: " '_We're sorry, the number you have reached has been disconnected.' _" The Enigma recoiled in disgust. "Ugh, you're a doofus." The man was still as spaced out as ever.

"And, you, well, you're just _too small,_" the Enigma said to Perry, shrinking his index finger and thumb in emphasis. Perry shrank back out of fear and intimidation. The Enigma went on, "Why, I wouldn't have you blighters as musketeers even if you were the last recruits in all of my beloved France!" He flicked Perry's bill, which kept vibrating until Perry grabbed at it with his hands to stop it. "So, you won't need _this, _will ya?" the Enigma asked, grabbing the fedora from Perry's head. He scrunched it up until it was a small sphere. Perry had been watching this in horror all the while. The Enigma took Perry's hand, put the ball in it, and said, "Here, kid, have a ball!" He laughed loudly as he exited, still admiring his joke as he walked out.

Perry looked at the scrunched up hat sadly. He put it on his head, a pouty expression on his face. The poor platypus looked about ready to cry. His friends were sad for him. Then, the door slammed shut, shocking the room and causing the piles of musketeer uniforms to fall on top of the trio. They came out of the pile, one by one. Doofy came out with one of the uniforms covering his head. Pinky just looked sad. Perry looked sad as well, but shortly after coming out of the pile, his hat popped back to its original shape, feather and all.

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><p><strong>Meanie Enigma. You don't make Perry cry! That's not cool at all :( Anyway, in writing this, I realized it's much harder to write out what's going on. I mean, a complex scene that only takes a minute requires many paragraphs to describe everything as it should be. I hope I did well enough in that respect. I like the song at the beginning. (I do not own it BTW. It's called "All For One.") Definitely listen to the song while reading, it adds to the experience ;) Also, with Pinky's character (Donald in the Musketeers movie) he has to be somewhat incomprehensible, so I just gave him a Latino accent. It works, especially since nearly every time I think of Pinky, I think of Tito off of <em>Oliver &amp; Company. <em>I hope you guys like it so far! The princess is coming up in the next chapter ;) So, please keep reading and reviewing, thanks :)**


	3. Chapter 3: One True Love

**I forgot to mention this last chapter, but I have a cover for this one now! What do you guys think? I know... it's not great. All I had was the Paint program though :( That won't stop me from making awesome covers though! I will find a way! Anyway, here's the third chapter. We get to see Penelope get all lovesick. Enjoy :D**

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><p><span>Chapter 3: One True Love<span>

Not so far away from the janitors' laundry room and the musketeers training hall was a great palace (which looked a good deal like a ginormous mansion). In this great palace was a princess by the name of Penelope. She sat on her throne, picking petals off of a flower. "He loves me," she said, sighing happily. "He loves me a lot." She blew the petal away daintily and went for another petal. "He loves me." Another petal gets blown away. "He loves me even more." Another petal is daintily blown away. "He loves me." All these petals were being blown onto the head of an unfortunate lady-in-waiting. The lady-in-waiting, Isabella, was a great friend to the princess, but this was crossing a line: her annoyance line.

"Pardon me, your highness," said Isabella, blowing the petals from off of her head. "You're kinda mangling that flower, who's the, uh, lucky guy?" She asked, coming closer to the princess's side.

"My one true love," said Penelope dreamily, still holding the flower in her hands. She sighed happily. "I'll find him some day. He's out there, I just _know _it!"

"This fantasy man- do you happen to know if he's royalty?" Isabella nodded her head as if trying to make the princess subconsciously agree with her.

"Does it matter?" asked Penelope, rocking in her throne restlessly.

"Well, as you know, someone of your _royal _stature must be courted by a gentleman of _royal_ blood." Penelope drooped in her throne, un-amused at having her dreams crushed by realism.

"What a _royal_ pain," said Penelope, rising from her throne and heading away. Isabella followed her.

"Your highness, you're gonna have to pick someone sooner or later. I mean, ticktock, huh?" She emphasized. It was true, platypuses didn't live long and, in order for her family to stay on the throne, she would need a husband so that they could make heirs. The two walked down the hallway outside the throne room. If they continued this way, they'd reach the door to the gardens.

"Izzy, I can't marry someone I'm not in love with," Penelope said in an almost reprimanding tone.

"You want love? Buy a dog. Besides, the perfect guy isn't gonna just walk through the _door_ and even if he does, how are you gonna know he's the one?"

Penelope giggled girlishly. "Oh, I'll know. Just imagine: He'll _stride_ into the room, a light will _glow_ from him, I'll hear _music, _he'll bring me flowers, he'll _sweep_ me off my feet..." Penelope began twirling Isabella around, their hands joined. "...And I'll _know_ he's the one when he makes me laugh." They stopped spinning and Isabella giggled.

"Your majesty, oh, forgive me for saying so, but that sounds..." She might have said "ridiculous" or "foolish," but Penelope's eyes were gleaming purple. They only gleamed that color when she was especially emotional. The smile on her beak was one of great hope. She was lovestruck by a guy she hadn't even met yet! Isabella couldn't bring herself to crush the princess's dreams though. "...Just lovely." Penelope put the flower in a vase and headed for the door to the gardens.

"Trust me, Izzy, I'll know him when I see him." She left out the garden door, just as the second to last petal fell. The flower had a teal petal on top and an orange middle. Anyone looking at it would recognize them as the colors of a male platypus.

Penelope, meanwhile, was in the palace gardens. She twirled around in her light turquoise gown as she went toward a pink rose-bush. She gingerly picked one, careful of the thorns, and made her way down the steps gracefully. As she went down, she passed by Terry, who was playing his lute the whole while. He sat atop the railing at the bottom of the stairs. He took off his hat in greeting to her. "Why, _bonjour,_" she said, curtsying to him in reply.

Terry sighed as Penelope walked away. "A romantic princess deserves a romantic song, I think," he said. He played a new tune on his lute. He began, "_Just around the corner seeking you, puppy love is tripping lightly into view. Hiding in the hedgerows, sneaking up on tip-toes, love's first kiss is blissfully about to capture you..._" Penelope made her way through the garden. She passed by the gardener, Reginald, who greeted her the same way Terry did by taking off his hat. Only he bowed as well. Penelope curtsied in reply. The gardener watched his princess as she moved on to another part of the garden.

Penelope passed by one of the fountains and soon came up to two blue birds fluttering by. They fluttered near her and danced with her through the garden, one holding her dress and another holding her hand. Terry's song continued, "_Just around the corner wafting close. Love is creeping nearer than you might suppose. So, sit still and wait now, let love choose your fate now. Take a pause, don't run, because it's right behind you, let love find_ _you_." As the song was being sung, three guys in brown robes, black clothes, and black masks wandered in the bushes, dragging a safe with them. Penelope didn't notice them.

Terry's song continued, "_Young love! It's love, love, love, love, love, love so lovely. What can you say to love but love?_" Penelope made her way further into the garden. She stood behind some rose bushes, looking beyond them to see the gardener and his wife, Winifred. She gave him a cup of tea and they both sat down together, holding each other closely. Penelope smiled, happy for them. She went on.

Penelope was on her way back to the palace, having had her fill of the glorious garden for the day. Unbeknownst to her, the three men in dark clothing were right behind her. They dragged the safe with them, malicious looks on their faces, and made their way further on. Penelope went back to the steps into the palace and sat down on them, rose still in hand. Terry's song continued, "_Maybe on the rooftops climbing high. Somewhere just above you love is hovering by. Love is in a rush to smear you, smash you, smush you, love will crush you into mush when you're the bulls-eye, you'll get hit by young love! Your first, your only love. Love so lovely, how can you stand it so..._"

All the while the last part of the song was being sung, the three men in dark clothing were on a balcony above Penelope, safe in hand. They were gonna drop it on her! All this was going on and Penelope was oblivious to it. She looked at the beautiful surroundings and saw the blue birds return, merely fluttering by this time. She looked on at all the beauty in bliss. Isabella called from inside, "Excuse me, your grace?" Penelope got up to go inside to see what Isabella wanted just as the song ended and the safe fell onto the steps! Penelope recoiled quickly, letting out a startled scream.

Isabella came out to see what made Penelope scream. "Your highness!" The two girls looked at the safe. Someone had tried to kill the princess! Above, one of the men hit the short one in the head, causing the little man to let out a groan of pain. He fell and the other two realized the noise might attract the attention of the women below, so they hid from view just in time for Penelope and Isabella to look up at the balcony. They saw no one there, but it was obvious someone had been. The evidence was right there in front of them! Penelope's countenance changed to one of angry determination. She'd make sure her life didn't become so endangered ever again.

Meanwhile, the three men had already made their escape into the underground. They ran down the hallways and stairs of the dungeon-like place. They were arguing all the while. "Who's gonna tell the boss the bad news?" asked Rodney one of the tall ones.

"Don't look at me, I ain't sayin' nothin,' " said Dr. Bloodpudding the other tall one. "You tell him."

"Me?! I told him last time, you silly twit, and I don't believe in doing it twice." Then, just as they were in front of the door to where they had to go, they ran into the short one, Dr. Diminutive, and Rodney was struck with an idea. "Here's an idea, shortie, you tell him." He pointed to the door.

Dr. Diminutive looked to the door, then looked back to Rodney, confused. "Tell him what?" he asked.

"That we- you know- botched the job?" Dr. Bloodpudding whispered the last part.

Dr. Diminutive gulped. "He's not going to like that," he said nervously. The other two waited behind while he opened the door to the lair of their boss. Their boss, the Enigma, was sitting in a chair, looking every bit like he was in command... and every bit like he was angry. He glared at the little doctor. "Uh, hello there," Dr. Diminutive said, walking in further. The Enigma got up with a struggle, his wooden leg and crutch slowing his progress. He continued nonetheless.

"It doesn't look good when only one shows up. Does it, _small fry_?" he emphasized the last two words, making Dr. Diminutive all the more intimidated. He closed the door and began pacing around the man.

Outside, the other two were at the door. Rodney was listening closely, but he couldn't hear much. "I can't hear anything except _step, clop, clop, step, clop, clop,_" he said.

Inside, the Enigma heard their voices at the door and ceased his pacing. Dr. Bloodpudding had been looking at the keyhole then. "Have a look at the monster's better side," he said with a laugh. Rodney shivered at the thought, but went to look anyway, his curiosity getting the better of him. When he looked, he didn't see "the better side," as it were, he saw the bad side. The Enigma's one red eye glowed angrily though the keyhole. The Enigma punched through the door, causing the two to scream, but before they could react further, the Enigma dragged them through the newly made hole. Once they were in the room, he dropped them and the two immediately stood up beside their smaller compatriot. They looked at each other and, decision made, said their word.

"He has something to tell you, boss," they said in unison, pointing to Dr. Diminutive.

"It better be good news," the Enigma said, his red eye glowing angrily. The two tall ones backed up and Dr. Diminutive was left to give his testimony.

"Well, we did exactly what you said to do and dropped a safe on the princess!" Dr. Diminutive said. The Enigma was smiling in the first half, since it sounded like good news. Minions doing as they're told? Great! The second half sent him into panic though.

"You what?!" he exclaimed. He picked up Dr. Diminutive by his hood and said, "I didn't say _drop _a safe, you dolt, I said, '_Keep _her safe'!"

"Well, that's good, 'cause we missed her," said Dr. Bloodpudding.

The Enigma threw down Dr. Diminutive angrily. "Now listen, you mutts," he said. He pointed to his eye as he said the first part of: "I've got a plan and it isn't to kill the princess. It's to kidnap her."

The three bumblers all let out a confused, "Huh?"

"The opera? It's tomorrow night?" he said, pointing to a poster. A chorus sang a song at the sight of the poster. It appeared to be a pirate opera, possibly _The __Pirates of Penzance. _The Enigma continued after the short song ended. "The princess has got to be _gone_ by then or I can't become _king_!"

"_Oh!_" the three bumblers said. They looked to each other, then Dr. Diminutive spoke.

"I don't get it," he said.

The Enigma slapped his hand on his face, exasperated at dealing with their stupidity. "Lieutenant Silver Viper!" he called.

The Silver Viper appeared in a flash. "_Oui, oui, mon capitaine. _You _bellowed_?" she asked, pleased to be of service, yet aware of the Enigma's demanding nature.

"Throw these blighters into The Pit!" the Enigma said, getting up on his wooden leg and crutch and pointing at the "blighters" as he spoke.

"_Oui, oui, La Pit!_" the Silver Viper said excitedly.

"No, no," said the three.

"Anything but _La Pit!_" said Dr. Diminutive.

"_Bon voyage, _losers," said the Silver Viper, hissing with her tongue before pulling a lever on the wall. The ground beneath the three collapsed from under them and dropped them into a deep, dark pit... that Dr. Diminutive could stand up and see out of.

"Oh, not so bad," said Dr. Diminutive.

After the dolts were put into the pit, the phone rang. The Silver Viper picked it up and answered it. "_Bonjour, _Enigma's secret lair, Silver Viper speaking," she said. There was a muttering on the end and the Silver Viper recoiled in shock. "The princess?!" She ran to the other side of the room where a big red button was. She punched it with her fist, causing an alarm to blare and a light in the shape of a crown to flash. The Enigma was already having enough of a bad day as it was with having to deal with idiots, now he would have to deal with the wrath of Princess Penelope.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so... still pretty basic. I can totally imagine Penelope getting all lovestruck like she was in the beginning XD Enigma's not having a good day, huh? I think Enigma deserves the fullness of the princess's wrath. The song in this chapter is "Love So Lovely" and I don't own the rights to it. So, with that said, please keep reading and reviewing, thanks :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: Bodyguards

Chapter 4: Bodyguards

Penelope had the most livid expression on her features. This was pure, unbridled incompetence. She had hired Captain Enigma to train musketeers for her protection and today, her life had been threatened... and almost taken. She had more than one word for the overconfident platypus.

Musketeers went by her singing, "_All for one all men of honor hear the call. Musketeers sing all for one and one for all._" Penelope exhaled an angry breath. _Well, if nothing else, he's taught them how to sing, _she thought. Isabella was with her and she too was unhappy at the incident. The princess was more than a royal, she was a friend. This was personal.

"Your highness! So glad you could grace us with your royal omnipresence!" said the Enigma, sounding completely like the kiss-up that he was. Penelope and Isabella just glared at him angrily.

"I want bodyguards!" said Penelope, standing and stomping her foot insistently. Perhaps it was a childish display, but she hadn't the temperament to act civil right now.

"Huh?" asked the Enigma. His face went from feigned respect to one of confusion. _Why does she need bodyguards? _he thought.

"_Musketeer _bodyguards!" Penelope specified, pointing to the men in uniform. Isabella didn't back her up in words, but in looks, oh, most verily.

"_Villains, bad guys run in fear when they see the musketeers. Saving Penelope is our duty. Mess with her we'll kick your-_" The song was interrupted by one musketeer who made a lethal stab at a dummy with his sword. Irving _was_ usually the one who went to overkill on things (a fact not proven wrong by this act). It was nonetheless true and the Enigma got the message loud and clear.

"Ouch," the Enigma winced. Penelope awaited his response, her expression still angry and determined. "Uh, bodyguards, uh, absolutely! Uh, let me check my schedule here, uh..." He looked at his calendar where he had his plan laid out in red ink. "Kidnap Penelope" was on Tuesday and "Become King" was on Wednesday. Thursday was wide open though. "Oh! How about next Thursday?"

Penelope was not good with this. "How about 10 minutes?! At the palace! Get me bodyguards, Captain Enigma!" He was shocked at her demanding voice. He nearly dropped his calendar into the wind. He recovered quickly though. He shoved it back into his coat and groaned. What a fix he was in.

Of course, opportunity finds those in the most opportune times. Perry, Pinky, Doofy, and Steve were on a platform for cleaning windows. Doofy was on one end and Perry and Pinky were on the other. They were raising it up together, but Doofy was distracted.

"_Pancakes, Cornflakes, Scrambled Eggs, Buttered Toast and Apple Jam. Tonight it's meat, I hope it's Spam,_" sang Doofy. He was terribly hungry and depressed from earlier. Prospects for dinner were rarely good for janitors. Doofy was merely dreaming of the food he _could _have. However, he didn't notice that he was going much faster than Perry and Pinky in raising the platform. It gradually began tipping in the other direction and Perry and Pinky scrambled to keep up.

"Doofy! Slow down!" called Perry. Pinky was yipping in fear. Up and up they went until the platform became vertical and they all fell off. All the while, the Enigma had been watching in interest. At first, he was amazed at their predicament. There was no one else who got in as much trouble as they did. Yet... seeing them and knowing what they wanted... well, it gave him a plan. Serendipity came to the Enigma and he was going to take advantage of it.

Penelope and Isabella still looked angrily at the Enigma, awaiting a good answer. "Oh, Princess, you're in luck!" he said, putting an arm around Penelope. "Have I got the men for you!" She shrunk away from him, disgusted.

"Well, I hope so! Thanks to _your _incompetence, this whole thing has been a pain in the neck!" She turned away angrily.

"I'll show you a pain in the neck..." the Enigma said quietly, making to squeeze her neck with his fingers using forced perspective. Penelope turned around harshly, sensing something. The Enigma stopped just in time and recovered by giving her the "OK" signal with those same fingers.

Meanwhile, Perry, Pinky, Doofy, and Steve had retreated back to the laundry room. The three had on the glummest expressions possible for their respective creatures. Perry was scrubbing the musketeer uniforms, Pinky was rolling them through a press to flatten them, and Doofy was ironing them. Steve was on Perry's shoulder, looking as glum as his larger companion.

Perry couldn't stand the sad air in the room. He sighed and went over to Pinky, a smile on his face. "Hey, Pinky, don't worry about what Captain Enigma said. Cheer up. I'm sure there's some way we can become musketeers," he told Pinky softly.

"We can?" asked Pinky, hope returning to his features. The two ran over to Doofy, new hope and excitement on their faces. Perry jumped onto the ironing block, interrupting Doofy in his work.

"Hey, Doof, you know we can prove the Enigma's wrong about us if we just work hard and stick together," said Perry. Doofy looked at Pinky to see if he felt the same way and, seeing the hope in both of their eyes, a bit of hope returned to him as well.

"You really think so?" asked Doofy to Perry.

"Hey, have I ever let you down?" Perry began giving the taller man a brotherly noogie as he continued. "Huh? Have I? Have I? Huh? Have I? Have I?"

Doofy laughed at the thought. "No," he said, still laughing a little as Perry let up on the noogie.

"Just imagine, guys. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, Captain Enigma's going to march in here and say-" said Perry. His speech was interrupted by a new voice.

"Congratulations, boys!" said the voice.

Perry turned around, looking toward the source. The source happened to be Captain Enigma. "Huh?" asked Perry.

"You passed the test!" the captain started hobbling into the room as he continued. "I've been watching you three and I'll tell you what: you blokes have got what it takes to be _musketeers!_" He skittered over to them and shook Perry's hand with both hands in congratulations. It looked like it was taking a lot just for him to stay up, but he appeared to be genuinely excited about this.

"Really? You mean it?" Perry asked in disbelief.

"Cross my heart," said Captain Enigma, making the motion with the hand that wasn't holding his crutch up.

"Oh, boy! Hey, guys, we're going to be musketeers!" Perry excitedly told his friends.

Perhaps it was Perry saying it as well that sealed the deal for them, because up until then, they had been staring wide-mouthed in disbelief. Pinky was the first to roll with it. "Musketeers!" he said excitedly.

"Musketeers!" Doofy said. The excitement was infectious. In a matter of a few minutes, the three were dressed up in musketeer garb. This included: a long-sleeved red shirt with a white collar, a blue tunic with the kingdom's yellow symbol on it, white gloves, tan pants, brown boots with gold buckles, and finally, the musketeer hat, which looked remarkably like an out-of-that-time-period brown fedora. While Perry's fedora was brown and had a red feather, Pinky and Doofy were given brown fedoras with white feathers. This was because the design had changed. Captain Enigma let Perry keep his fedora and feather (since Perry seemed too attached to it to part with it) and in the golden glow in the center of the musketeer training facility, the three really looked the part of genuine musketeers.

"I knew we had what it takes!" said Perry.

"Yeah, because we're clever," said Doofy.

"And brave!" Pinky added in.

"And together, we are gonna be great, big heroes! What do you say, men? All for one!" said Perry, drawing his sword. Pinky drew his sword as well.

"And two for tea!" said Doofy as he drew his sword (which came a little too close for comfort to Pinky). Doofy had Pinky's hat on the end of his sword and Pinky had since retreated behind Perry for protection. Perry jumped; then, when he looked at the Enigma, the platypus was giving a less than impressed look.

"Yeesh," said the Enigma. The three were almost _too _dunderheaded. He rolled his eyes, wondering just what he had gotten himself into.

"Well, we'll work on it," said Perry, bringing Doofy and Pinky close to him with his arms. The three were huddled together like good friends or even brothers.

Then, after the presentation at the musketeer training hall, it was off to the palace to present them to the princess. Captain Enigma led them through the halls on the way to the throne room. "Hup, deux, trois, quatre. Hup, deux, trois, quatre. Hup, deux, trois, quatre," the Enigma called out as they marched. The procession went in this order: Captain Enigma in the lead, Perry behind him, Pinky behind him, Doofy behind him, and Steve taking up the rear with a small flag tied to his reptilian tail. The three musketeers and the little chameleon marched proudly. This was a day of triumph. The Enigma went on: "Hup, deux, trois, quatre. Company, halt!" He stopped in front of a set of golden doors: the doors leading to the throne room. The procession was slow to obey the command since a few of them ran into each other. Once the Enigma was sure they had stopped, he said, "Stay here whilst I go schmooze Princess What's-Her-Name." He had a look of self-importance as he said this. Then, without saying more, he opened the door, hopped in, and closed it quickly and loudly behind him.

They all recoiled at the slam. Perry was the first to recover. He looked up at the great doors in wonder. "Wow. This is it, guys. This is what we've been waiting for all our lives. Now, when these doors open, we've gotta make a great first impression," he said. Pinky smiled and stood up tall and proud. Doofy smoothed back his unruly hair and put it under his hat to keep it in order. Satisfied that his friends got the idea, Perry continued, "Okay, remember, guys, we're on duty and this place could be _crawling _with bad guys!" He emphasized his point by wiggling his fingers in spider-like motions.

"Bad guys?!" Pinky exclaimed, terror in him.

"So, stay alert!" said Perry authoritatively.

"You heard him, stay alert!" Pinky said to Doofy.

"Yes, sir!" said Doofy, saluting. He then immediately went into search mode. He narrowed his eyes and put a hand over his eyes, scanning the surroundings with wary eyes. Then, not a minute after his search began, he came face-to-face with an armored soldier! "Bad guy! No! Whoa!" The soldier was huge and wielded an axe!

"Doofy!" Perry and Pinky scrambled to help their friend. Doofy was already in a tussle with the "bad guy." When the smoke cleared, the armor was in pieces and there was no bad guy in sight. No one could tell Doofy that though.

"He pulled an axe on me!" said Doofy worriedly as he drew the axe from the pile. Perry and Pinky both reared back, startled. Something had to be done about this.

Meanwhile, Captain Enigma was in the throne room, beginning his schmoozing. "Your royal highness, I have never, ever had a more highly skilled group of gentlemen than the individuals which I present to you today," the Enigma began. Princess Penelope sat on her throne, looking bored out of her mind. Isabella had since walked up to her and the two exchanged looks between each other.

Isabella knew just what to do in this situation: "Seems like this is gonna take a while. I'll go get you a little snack," she said. Penelope almost envied Isabella. She got to leave while she had to stay there and listen to the droning of the captain. The only thing separating the two was that Penelope's throne was high up from the ground. (Due to her small stature, she had to sit higher to see her subjects easier.) Penelope's royal robe extended to the ground like a train.

The Enigma went on: "It took my highly trained eye to see their full potential." Indeed, he had right to say that with only one eye to speak of.

"Yes, well, France thanks you and your eye very much," Princess Penelope said. It was normal procedure to say this. Everything done on behalf of the princess was done on behalf of the people.

"Well, then, it is without further ado that I present for your complete safety _and _protection, your musketeers!" the Enigma said, waving a hand toward the door. The doors were opened by the attendants. Behind the doors, Doofy and Pinky were still struggling with the armor. When they noticed the doors had opened, they froze, not knowing what to do. They might as well have been caught raiding the cookie jar with the expressions they were giving. The Enigma was quick to indicate to them what to do since the Princess appeared more confused than impressed. The Enigma made a salute and Doofy and Pinky were quick to react by standing up straight and saluting. Perry had, in the meanwhile, been behind the pile of armor and had been unseen until Doofy and Pinky stopped struggling with the armor and it collapsed at their feet. He had noticed his friends saluting, so by the time the armor fell, he too was saluting.

When the armor fell and Princess Penelope saw Perry... she felt a stirring in her heart and her mind started to go elsewhere. In her mind, he noticed her too (and perhaps he actually had, but she was already too into her fantasy to notice if that was the case). In her fantasy, it was just them in a clearing in the clouds. They became weightless and Penelope heard her voice repeating what she had said she was looking for in a guy. "_Just imagine: He'll stride into the room._" Perry made a bouncing stride or two forward (the bouncing was due to the weightlessness). He took off his hat in respect. "_Light will glow from him._" Light glowed around Perry and he marveled at it. "_I'll hear music._" A musical scale surrounded Perry playfully before going off as soon as it had come. "_He'll bring me flowers._" Flowers appeared magically in Perry's hand. The two were floating level to each other. They came toward each other. Just as they came close, the pink roses turned into pink butterflies and flew away. They both marveled at that. He took her hands and spun her around as Penelope heard her words: "_And he'll sweep me off my feet... and I'll know he's the one when he makes me laugh._" As they spun around, Perry spoke, but it wasn't his voice coming out of his mouth.

"Your majesty," Perry said in a different voice. His head turned into Isabella's head. "It's time to cut the cheese." The fantasy was effectively over and ruined.

"Huh? What?" Penelope had the most distraught look on her face. It was such a good fantasy... and now it was gone! Gone!

Isabella continued, "Here we are!" She pulled the lid off of a serving dish. On the tray was grapes and cheese. "Roquefort, anyone?" she asked, referring to the cheese. Of course... along with the cheese and the grapes was a cutting knife. It was meant for the cheese, but the three musketeers took this differently.

"Knife!" exclaimed Doofy.

"Bad guy!" shouted Pinky.

"Grab her!" Perry called.

Isabella looked at them, knowing she was in trouble. "Oh, no," she said meekly. That was all she got to say before the three tackled her and a cloud of dust formed around the tussle. It was chaos! Isabella screamed in terror.

"Oh! Unhand her! Release her! Stop it!" Princess Penelope rose to the step of her throne. She was horrified at the display. Thankfully, the three understood "stop" better than "halt." Isabella was held in the air, the knife in one hand and upside down. The knife hand was restrained by Perry, the other hand by Pinky, and one of her feet was being held by Doofy. Isabella's dress drooped, revealing her undergarments. "Drop her!" ordered Penelope. The three quickly dropped her and turned their backs on her, trying to pretend like nothing had happened. Isabella fell to a heap on the floor. "_She_ is my _lady_ in _waiting_!" Penelope said, outraged.

Steve, who had taken refuge behind a pillar during the tussle, face-palmed. It was all the Enigma could do to keep in his laughter. He had a hand covering his bill, trying to keep it closed as small sounds leaked out. It was obvious he was stifling a laugh... and Penelope was not amused. She turned harshly on him, making him stop quickly. He cleared his throat and began explaining, "You'll have to forgive them, your highness. They're like a well-oiled machine that's wound just a little too tight." Penelope was calmed a little, and even considering the explanation.

Perry took off his hat respectfully and said, "We're sorry, your grace, we thought she was a villain." Isabella had since gotten up and looked a little ruffled, but overall fine. Pinky wiggled his eyebrows and tipped his hat at her, trying to use his charms to help ease the tension. He smiled.

Isabella scoffed. "I don't think so," she said, crossing her arms and turning her back on the small chihuahua. Pinky looked a little offended his trick hadn't worked. It usually always worked!

"Oh! I see. Well, then... I feel safer already," said Penelope as she got off her throne and came closer to the three. It was clear they had met her approval. The Enigma smiled. The plan had worked. It would be much easier for him to become king now. Those three were an accident waiting to happen. How could they possibly protect the princess well enough to stop him?

* * *

><p><strong>Hmph, typical. Bad guys always get over-confidant about themselves and their harebrained plan. There's a bad guy song coming in the next chapter, so stay tuned for then ;) Please keep reading and reviewing, thanks :D<strong>


	5. Chapter 5: A Remote Tower

Chapter 5: A Remote Tower

The Enigma made his way back to the training hall with more than a spring in his step. He was practically skipping along (as best as he could with one leg anyway). As he crossed the bridge on the path between the palace and the musketeer training hall, he passed by Terry the turtle. The turtle was sitting on the railing on the bridge, but he immediately went into his shell when he saw the Enigma passing by. The Enigma's tail swished about and smacked the ground in frantic excitement.

"Oh no," said Terry from within his shell. He came out and said, "When the bad guy is that happy, it always, always means..." he pulled out a sousaphone from his shell, propped it on his shoulders, and finished his sentence with: "Bad guy song!" He put the mouthpiece on the instrument and blew a few deep, foreboding notes. The song began just as the Enigma made his way into his office.

"_I was born to cheat and lie. I'm a mean, rotten guy! When you ask me why I'm nasty, here's my reason why..._" He pointed to an intimidating picture of a stern female platypus. It was his former nurse. She was his primary influence when he was young. He often referred to her as his mother and she his son, but that doesn't mean their relationship was all that solid. "_At that stork delivery, Mommy screamed: 'Woe is me! Such a dork! Hey, Mr. Stork, behold my misery! Enigma's ghastly, he's a blob! He's a nasty, naughty slob!' Can it, sister. I'm the mister who will get the job!_" He had taken a ride down a secret chute into an underground tunnel system. The tunnel (beneath his chair) closed at the top as soon as he closed his end. Leaving his self-obsessed office behind, he continued on his way as the music continued.

The Enigma made his way to an old rail system. It used to transport coal. Now, it was a transport to an entirely different place. As he went down the rails in the old coal car, he continued, "_So, I'm nasty, I'm no good, I'll be king! Knock on wood. I'll impress ya though I'm just a common, lowly hood! If you can't be loved, be feared. Don't get shoved, sheep get sheared. Be the king, pull the strings or else you might get smeared!_" At this point, the rail ended at a stop block. The car harshly hit it, sending the platypus flying to a basket. This basket was attached to a pulley system. As he went down, the counterweight (a basket with bricks in it) went up.

The Enigma went on, "_I'm so happy I could dance, seize my chance, I'll advance! Come and cheer me, love and fear me, Enigma's King of France!_" He hit the bottom softly and safely. He held onto the rope and handed his hat to his assistant. She eagerly grabbed for it as he said, "Evening, trusted lieutenant, watch out for the bricks." It was true, as soon as he let go, the bricks were coming down with full force.

"What?" asked the Silver Viper. She hadn't paid attention enough to what he was saying. This was to a deficit to her, especially since the basket of bricks fell on her head.

The song went on, "_Come and cheer me, love and fear me, Enigma's King of France!_" He kept the last note going even as the music ended... and this didn't go unnoticed. "Why'd the music stop?" the Enigma asked, mood broken. His musketeer captain clothes had since been abandoned for his bad guy clothes (which were not very flattering, even for him).

Meanwhile, in "La Pit," the three goons were trying to ease their boredom. Dr. Diminutive was drawing in the clay with a stick, Dr. Bloodpudding was playing jacks, and Rodney was reading a book on what appeared to be Quantum Physics. As it happened, the picture Dr. Diminutive had drawn resembled the Enigma (and not in a flattering way). The Enigma came to the edge of the pit and looked in.

"Greetings, blokes," said the Enigma, his tone angry and sinister. It almost had a hint of amusement in it, but his expression betrayed otherwise. Once the three saw him, they each made haste to hide their slothful activities. Dr. Diminutive scribbled his crude drawing away, Dr. Bloodpudding thrust the jacks into his mouth, and Rodney ripped out a few pages of the book and stuffed them in his jacket for later. The rest of the book was mushed into the dirt. The Enigma rolled his eyes and leaned down close to them as best as he could without falling in. "Do you think you might have some spare time to go and snatch the princess?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think," said Dr. Diminutive, holding up a watch as he said this.

"Well, quit thinking and do it! The opera's tomorrow night!" said Enigma. Everyone looked to the poster on the other wall and the mysterious choir sung again. This time, the Enigma seemed vaguely aware of the singers. He blinked in confusion before continuing his line of conversation. "The job must be done by then, remember?" he steamed.

"How can we help?" asked Dr. Diminutive.

The Enigma rolled his eyes. _Oh, the imbecility I must deal with... _he thought. He spoke slowly and clearly. "I want you to grab her, find a remote tower somewhere and lock her away forever so that no one may ever find her again! Do you understand me, you goons?"

"Sure thing, boss," they all said, saluting the Enigma before climbing out of the pit and heading on their way.

Meanwhile, Perry, Pinky, and Doofy were on a carriage. Perry and Pinky were standing in the back and Doofy was driving, the reins for the horses in one hand and a book in the other. It was a guide to musketeering for the evil mind. It was a beautiful day for a carriage ride. Perry took a deep breath of the sweet air. "Isn't this musketeering stuff great?" he asked Pinky.

"You bet!" said Pinky.

In the carriage was none other than the princess herself: Penelope. Her lady-in-waiting, Isabella, was with her. "Isn't it romantic, Izzy? Being protected by three dashing musketeers?" She giggled childishly. "And the little one is _so _handsome."

The two girls were enjoying some food. Penelope had grubs in a container (a delicacy for platypuses) along with some grape juice and Isabella was having some lamb meat and grape juice. It was a fairly good deal, especially considering the fact that they were traveling.

Isabella said, "Yeah, he's kinda cute and all, but you're forgetting something. They're musketeers. Commoners. Non-college bound. You know what that means." Penelope had been trying to get a grub in her mouth after it began crawling up her arm, but she suddenly stopped short, tongue still sticking out.

"Our love is... _forbidden?_" asked Penelope.

Isabella tore off some meat from a leg with her teeth harshly before saying, "Bingo."

"A forbidden love! How romantic..." Penelope had that dreamy expression on her face before finally catching the grub in her fingers and eating it. As she chewed, she never lost that same dreamy expression.

As the carriage went down the road, the three musketeers failed to notice the three bad guys in the tree. They stood on a limb and, when the carriage was beneath them, they jumped onto it, swords drawn. Chaos ensued from there.

"Bad guys!" said Perry.

"Bad guys!" said Pinky.

"Bad guys?" asked Doofy. He hadn't seen anything. He was too distracted with his reading. The horses, however, got the point. They reared up with a whinnying and off they ran.

Dr. Bloodpudding made a slice for the two musketeers at the back. "Yikes!" said Perry. Pinky just shook violently and yipped. He rushed inside the carriage, to protection. This surprised the girls, but back outside, Perry was taking action. He stood atop the carriage and said, "Okay, you, _en garde_!" He drew his sword.

"_En garde? _French words make me mad!" He made slices at Perry's sword (a somewhat inferior sword since it broke apart with each slice). When Perry had no sword left, the bad guy sliced at his clothing. It fell apart, revealing nothing but his teal fur. He tipped his hat, a signature move (albeit out of context).

On the carriage went. Penelope and Isabella were inside, both trying to push the little Chihuahua, Pinky, back outside to fight. They pushed from either side of his little body, all the while, Isabella said, "Get out there and fight! You coward!"

Back outside, Rodney and Dr. Diminutive joined Doofy in the driver's seat (Rodney at Doofy's left and Dr. Diminutive at his right). "Hey, have you seen any bad guys around here?" asked Doofy, completely oblivious.

"Oh? How about _this _bad guy?" asked Rodney, taking out a jack-in-the-box and winding the crank. As the beautiful music played, Doofy became entranced and got closer to it. Soon, however, a boxing glove contraption popped out of the box. It punched Doofy off of the carriage and sent him tumbling down the hill.

"Doofy!" Perry called out desperately.

"Hit the road, tiny!" said Dr. Bloodpudding, shoving Perry into a suitcase and tossing him overboard.

"Perry!" called out Pinky. He had since come back outside and was now behind Dr. Bloodpudding. The bad guy turned around and looked at the small creature with an evil glint in his eye. Pinky drew his sword, but was very skittish in his approach.

"Boo!" said Dr. Bloodpudding, scaring Pinky. It scared the little guy so much that he put _himself_ in a suitcase and launched _himself_ overboard. Dr. Bloodpudding watched, amazed. _Well, that was easy, _he thought.

The three musketeers landed in a mud pond. The fall down the hill had beat them up pretty badly and now dirt was getting into the wounds. Poor Doofy was unfortunate enough to fall in first. (Unfortunate since Perry and Pinky fell on his head.)

"Princess!" called out Perry. The bad guys had made off with the carriage carrying the princess. Despite the fall and how sore and bloodied he was, he rushed up the slippery slope. He was able to get purchase with his hands on the edge. He looked on as the carriage went away into the distance. His expression drooped and so did he. He slipped back down the slope into the mud pond. He removed his hat just in time for the mud from the slope to slide onto him. Doofy and Pinky looked on at him, both were muddied, bloodied, and, seeing how glum their friend was, were glum as well. They had taken a good beating. Perry sighed, "Now how are we gonna protect the princess?"

"Protect the princess? Are you kidding?" Pinky put a hand up and wiped away most of the mud from his face as he said, "It's hopeless. We failed!"

"Hopeless? _Failed?_" Doofy grabbed his tunic, his face going soft with emotion. Pinky looked at him, regretting what he said since Doofy soon burst into tears. Doofy grabbed Pinky, trying to get comfort by hugging the small dog. Doofy soon put him down though.

"Aw, there, there, _amigo. _Here, blow," said Pinky, offering Doofy his own tunic as a hankie. Doofy looked at his tunic and did not hesitate to blow.

Perry still sat in the mud for a moment, but soon regained a look of determination. He slapped his fedora back on and said, "Well, I don't think we're hopeless!" He got up and went over to his friends. Doofy sat on a rock and Pinky stood by his side. Perry went on, "Listen, Captain Enigma has faith in us."

"He does?" asked Doofy. Then, "Oh, I mean _he does!_" Doofy stood, confidence back in his expression and tears long gone.

"Enigma made us musketeers, remember?" asked Perry to Pinky.

"Yeah! We're musketeers!" said Pinky.

"That's right! Just like we dreamed when we were kids!" Perry made his way up a rock and out of the mud pond. He went back to the edge and offered his hand to his friends. "So, what do you say? Are we a team?"

"Count me in, Perry!" said Doofy, slapping his hand into Perry's. With the little bit of support Perry gave and some help from the rock, Doofy was soon out and beside his friend. Pinky was at the edge of the pond too.

"Me too! Me too!" said Pinky as he was helped up. The three were on solid ground again.

"We're off to save the princess!" said Perry happily. He drew his sword (he managed to find an extra that had fallen off of one of the bad guys during the tussle). "No obstacle too big!"

"Yeah!" said Doofy, drawing his as well.

"No danger too great!" said Perry.

"You said it!" said Pinky, drawing his sword as well.

"Together we'll save the princess or die trying!" said Perry. He and Doofy ran off, mission in mind. Pinky, however, was hesitant.

"Die?" he asked. Perry and Doofy came back and dragged him along. "Die?" The word just... didn't settle well with Pinky. They had just barely gotten out of the scuffle with the bad guys alive, now they were going back into danger to possibly _die_? No way.

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><p><strong>We are officially halfway through the movie! Aren't we all excited? I know I am :D I do not own the rights to the song "Petey's King of France." I did, however, modify it to fit this version better ;) Please keep reading and reviewing, thanks :)<strong>


	6. Chapter 6: I Got An Idea

Chapter 6: I Got An Idea

The three musketeers made their way down the road, following the tracks of the carriage toward a remote tower near a river. They crossed the bridge, careful to avoid falling over the waterfall on the right side of the bridge. When they got to the tower, Perry and Pinky set to trying to get the door open. They both pulled hard on the door, but it simply wouldn't budge.

"Hey, Doof! This door won't budge!" said Perry. He figured calling Doofy over to help would be good since the man was stronger than the two of them.

"Let me give it a try!" Doofy made a running start toward the door, heading toward it at full speed (which was unrealistically fast).

As Doofy was making his approach to charge the door, Perry noticed the sign on the door "Push." Perry pushed it slightly and it opened easily. "Hey, Doof, wait! I got- WHOA!" Perry had tried to tell Doofy that the door was open, but Doofy continued through the door, into the tower, and up the steps at high-speed.

On his way, he passed the bad guys and their captives. They saw nothing but a trail of dust and felt nothing but the wind flowing past them. They didn't know what it was. "What the heck was that?" asked Dr. Diminutive. The others were thinking the same thing.

Meanwhile, Doofy continued his ascent until he crashed through the window on the top floor. He fell through the air and got caught on a tree branch growing out of a cliff. The tree flung him back up to a cow. The cow wasn't very happy at being collided with, especially from behind. The cow, in a fit of anger, kicked Doofy square in the butt. This propelled Doofy through the air once more and toward a windmill. He spun around on the spokes until he spun out into another direction. He went back through the tower window and began rolling his way down the stairs. It was hard to stop, which resulted in him landing on the bottom in a bloody, dazed heap. When he had passed the bad guys, they just looked on, amazed at what the man was able to go through.

Doofy was helped to his feet by a worried Perry and Pinky. "Door's open," said Doofy in a daze.

Back on the tower stairs, the bad guys talked to each other about what they had seen. It was obvious the musketeers were near. "What are we supposed to do about those musketeers?" asked Rodney, the one with the girls slung over his shoulder.

"We're 87 floor up. It'll be hours before they get here," said Dr. Bloodpudding. Boy, was he wrong. Hurried footsteps were heard behind them and there were the musketeers. They were panting and on their knees on the steps, but they still looked determined as ever to get the job done.

"Hold it right there... you fiends!" said Perry, panting hard all the while.

"Sling those birds into their cage," said Dr. Bloodpudding to Rodney. The man addressed threw the tied up girls into a cage up above them. The door shut on them and they screamed in fear.

"Your highness!" said Perry.

"Let's have a little fun with these gents, shall we?" asked Dr. Bloodpudding to his crew.

"Let's get 'em!" said Perry to his men. They charged at the bad guys and a sword fight began. Rodney fought Doofy, Dr. Diminutive fought Pinky, and Dr. Bloodpudding fought Perry.

"Stop! Let the _señoritas _go!" said Pinky, directing his sword at his opponent.

Dr. Diminutive looked almost intimidated, but then he drew a _bigger _sword from his cloak. With it, he cut at Pinky's sword. Pinky's sword peeled down like a banana and Dr. Diminutive laughed. "Do you feel lucky, doggy?" Pinky was far from a doggy at this point. He was a chicken. He ran off, away from the danger.

Rodney and Doofy's fight was going well... up until one particular part. "Ooh! Is that Haley's comet?" asked Rodney, pointing in another direction.

Doofy looked in the direction pointed at and asked, "Haley's comet? Where?" While his back was turned, Rodney gained the advantage and shoved Doofy's hat onto his head, blinding him. Doofy stumbled down the stairs. All the while, the girls had been watching and... their hopes of rescue were severely dwindling.

Dr. Bloodpudding had a hand stopping Perry from getting too close. It wasn't hard to keep the smaller opponent away from him. "Let me go! Let me go! I'll slice you to ribbons!" As if that was incentive for the man to let up. As Perry slashed his sword, trying to make purchase, Doofy came up behind him and collided with him. Perry dropped his sword and watched as it twirled down 87 floors. "My sword!"

When he looked back up and Doofy had managed to pull his hat away from his face and back onto his head where it belonged, they noticed they were right between the bad guys and the stairs leading further up. The bad guys laughed evilly. They directed the two further up the steps at sword point.

"Doofy, we have to do something quick or the princess is done for," said Perry quietly.

"It's all over," said Rodney.

"Looks like you two are in over your heads," said Dr. Bloodpudding. Speaking of over heads, Doofy noticed the shattered glass window behind the bad guys. It was the same window he had crashed through earlier. The wheels in his brain turned, going over the event in his mind. After a bit of thinking, his face lit up with his plan.

"What are you planning, Doof?" asked Perry.

"I got an idea. Are you with me?" asked Doofy conspiratorially.

"You bet," Perry replied.

Doofy quickly grabbed Perry in his arms and said, "Hot soup! Coming through!" He jumped out the window with Perry.

"That was strange, wasn't it?" asked Rodney as the three looked out the window the two had jumped through. Perry and Doofy went around in the same way Doofy had before when trying to get the door open. This time, when they came back through the window, it had better results. Before the bad guys could even react, they were kicked with great force out the other window and into the river below. The bad guys were gone but, as before, Doofy and Perry rolled down the steps. On their way down, they hit the cage and the door to it flew open. Now, the two musketeers were rolling down the stairs with the still tied-up princess and lady-in-waiting. On their way further down, they passed another cage... one in which Pinky was hiding. They didn't notice him, so the little Chihuahua breathed a small sigh of relief.

Perry, Doofy, Penelope, and Isabella landed in a dazed heap at the bottom. Doofy shook his head free of the stars and asked, "Did we do it?"

"Yeah! We did it! The three of us did it!" said Perry, getting to his feet excitedly.

"All for one and-" the two started together, but Perry noticed something.

"Wait. Where's Pinky?" asked Perry.

Pinky had heard this and said, "We did it?! Well, all right!" As he said this, he tumbled out of the cage and down the steps. It was as if he had been there all along. He stood up beside his friends and went, "Hurray! We did it!" He feigned his excitement, trying to hide the fact he didn't do anything to help. The three celebrated for a moment before a curt "Ahem" was uttered by Isabella. The princess and lady-in-waiting were still tied in rope.

Perry laughed nervously and helped the princess to her feet. "Let me just, uh... kinda tight..." He reached toward the knot and pulled slightly on it, causing it to spring apart. "Whoa!" The rope fell about the two like spaghetti. Perry was on the ground, covered in rope and looked bashfully ashamed when he said, "Oops." Penelope was struck by how adorable he looked right then and giggled at the display. He stood up and the two looked for all the world like there was something between them.

"Aw, Perry made her laugh, so she knew he was the one. Will their love bloom on the way back to Paris? Perhaps if I sing them a song," said Terry. He had been watching all this happen from afar (as all narrators do) and sat at a piano to play a song. "_Afloat on the breeze,_" sang Terry.

"_On wings of love,_" sang some blue birds in accompaniment.

"_Like birds and like bees,_" sang Terry.

"_Sweet wings of love,_" the blue birds sang.

"_The first day we met._" As the song went on, Perry and Penelope went around, doing romantic things. At this point, they walked together down a country road.

"_On wings of love._"

"_We watched the sun set._" Perry and Penelope ran up to a wagon carrying hay.

"_Sweet wings of love._"

"_And if by some chance._" Perry put Penelope on the back of the wagon and he ran to catch up. Penelope, concerned, put out her hand to help him.

"_Some twist of fate._"

"_We're chasing romance._" Perry caught her hand and came aboard the wagon with her.

"_It's not too late._"

"_It's heaven's design, you'll be mine. Hands entwined on wings of love._" The two found themselves holding hands.

"_Of love._" The wagon hit a bump and brought hay down on the two. Neither seemed to mind. Penelope actually giggled at it.

"_A real-life fairy tale._" Later, the two were on a boat and making their way down the river. Perry stretched his arms and wrapped one of them around Penelope. She leaned in to his hold. It was beautiful in Paris tonight.

"_Fairy tale._"

"_Down the streams of life we sail._"

"_Life we sail._"

"_And our world in twilight gleams._"

"_Twilight gleams._"

"_Like the light in your eyes inside my dreams. Your whisper lightly tickling my ear. It's Paris, ah, in the spring._" The two were making their way through the maze of the palace gardens. There were places Perry took her to that even she was unaware of. It was nice.

"_Spring, spring, spring, spring._"

"_I feel so giddy, one thing is clear: you stir my heart to sing._"

"_Ah, ah, ah._"

"_Don't take your hand from mine._" The two were at the palace steps. That was where the two had to part. Their hands lingered a moment before parting slowly.

"_Hand from mine._"

"_Just hold tight until you find. You're the light I'm dreaming of._" Perry looked at Penelope with feigned happiness. He had to say goodnight, but he didn't want to.

"_Dreaming of._"

"_And I'm waiting for you on wings of love._" Penelope came toward him, removed his hat, and kissed him behind the cover of the hat. Perry was shocked at first, but after the initial shock came the warming effect of love. He smiled despite the lipstick stain on his bill.

"_Bonne nuit,_" said Penelope, throwing Perry's fedora back to him. It landed on his head and, when it did, he collapsed to the ground in bliss.

"_Ah,_" sighed the bluebirds.

"_Waiting for you on wings..._" sang Terry.

"_Lovely little wings._"

"..._Of love._"

"_On wings of love._"

As the music came to an end, Terry said, "Ah, young love." He laughed to himself knowingly.

Meanwhile, the Enigma was having a problem. He burst into his lair and shouted, "I have a problem! Those three drongos have proved tougher than I thought!" His three henchmen were hung across a clothesline and pinned there by clothespins on their cloaks. The Silver Viper had hung them there and it looked like a fairly efficient way to get them dry.

"Yeah. So?" asked Dr. Diminutive, who hung quite a ways off the ground.

"So quit hanging around!" The Enigma struck the small man on the line, causing the man to sway. "We have to change the plans, see? Now we're gonna have to pull the ol' switcheroo tomorrow night..." He un-clipped the man from the wire and he collapsed to the ground. "At the opera!" The poster on the wall was looked at again since the choir began singing again. When it finished, the Enigma had been scowling, but turned it into a smile of sorts. "That little ditty begins to grow on me." The three henchmen looked at each other, perplexed.

The Enigma went on, "Now, listen. To get to the princess, we're gonna have to pick those blokes off one... by... one."

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><p><strong>I do not own the rights to the song "Sweet Wings of Love." This was a rather interesting chapter though. Rescue and romance, what more do you want? Of course, there is the issue of that little threat the Enigma gave at the end. We shall see what happens next in the next chapter. Please keep reading and reviewing, thanks :)<strong>


	7. Chapter 7: Plan B

Chapter 7: Plan B

Penelope and Isabella were in pajamas and talking about things while getting ready for bed. Isabella brushed Penelope's fur as Penelope doodled in a journal. She sighed happily, "Perry and Penelope Platypus... why, Izzy, Perry and I have the same last name!"

"Well, it must be destiny then. It's a good thing destiny doesn't control my love life," said Isabella.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look at me. If it did, I would have no chance with true love."

"That's right. As a servant, you have more rights toward love than I do." Penelope looked sad and Isabella put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, it'll work out. I mean, you _are _the princess. Perhaps you could change the laws."

"I just want everyone to be with the ones they truly love... and not be stuck with someone on account of 'code' or 'law.' " Penelope sighed. "I'll see to it you have a chance with musketeer Phineas."

"What? I never said his name!"

"No, but you were thinking about it." Penelope took the brush from Isabella and began brushing herself. "I also know that you think musketeer Pinky would make an adorable pet."

"Well, I..." Isabella sighed. "I wish things were simpler."

"I do too, Izzy. I do too." It wasn't right for a platypus to have the weight of the world on their shoulders, much less a girl, much less anyone. This whole love affair was forbidden, all because of the law, a law that would have to change should Isabella or Penelope expect to get anywhere close to having true love in their hands.

When Penelope was preoccupied with her thoughts, Isabella took the opportunity to seize a pillow and whack Penelope in the head with it. "Pillow fight!"

"Hey, you mussed up my fur!" Penelope grabbed a pillow and the two began beaming each other with pillows, laughing like little children all the while.

Meanwhile, Doofy was at his post, doing patrol. "Two, three, four. Two, three, four," he said to himself, counting his steps. He wasn't the best at the French language, so English was his next best bet. His lanky form did nothing to make the patrol look serious though. On the contrary, it was almost comical to see the man with his long legs and big feet making steps back and forth across the area. He was snapped out of his thoughts by a loud creak as a door opened down the hall. A light shone from the room and Doofy got his sword pointed to the target and at the ready. "Bad guys..."

A silhouette that looked vaguely like Perry showed up on the door. "Attention, Musketeer Doofy!" said a voice with a poor impression of Perry.

"Perry, is that you?" asked Doofy.

"Of course, it's me, Musketeer Doofy."

"Your voice sounds strange is all."

"Oh, I was just eating escargot and almond brittle." The voice laughed it off.

"Hey, save some for me!" Doofy let his sword clatter to the ground as he went in the direction of the shadow. The silhouette kept disappearing and reappearing further and further away from Doofy's post.

"Over here!" it said one time. Another time, it said, "Follow me, Doofy!" Doofy was so convinced it was the real Perry that he followed it. The voice led to a dark alley where a certain Silver Viper was waiting and snickering like a snake.

"Perry!"

"You're almost there!"

"Perry! Aw, man. Where did he go now? Perry! Perry!" The lights in the alley dimmed as a sinister silhouette appeared and Doofy knew he was in for trouble. "Uh oh," he said as the lights went out.

Back at the castle, Pinky was at his post. His constant shivering making his steps uneven, making the sword in his hand quiver worse than it should have been (especially considering the fear in his body). "_Dos, tres, cuatro, Ay! Dos, tres, cuatro- Aye!_" The little dog yelped. He had backed into something and thought it was a bad guy. He slashed the thing with his sword with all his might. When he finally took a good look at it, he saw that it was a plant and his sword had carved it into the shape of him when he was in fear. "_Hola, Señor Guapo. ¿Qué tal?_" he asked, making small talk with the plant. He was comforted, for a moment, to finally have a friend among the moonlit and dark surroundings.

Then, he heard footsteps coming down the hall and saw three masked figures appear around the corner. The crude masks matched the Engima's face with an angry expression. Pinky was confused at the random strangers. "What the?" he asked.

"Booga, booga, booga, booga!" they all said together as they moved back and forth "menacingly". The small one kept saying the word for a little longer than the other two did, possibly out of enthusiasm. When the little one finally stopped, he almost sounded embarrassed.

"Aw, hit the road, _gringos,_" said Pinky, batting a hand, annoyed.

The three were surprised at Pinky's sudden courage. "I told you twits these Enigma masks wouldn't work! Let's go to Plan B," said one of the tall ones. They took off their masks.

"Hey, you're the bad guys! Don't move!" Pinky aimed his sword at the trio. Though shocked, the three immediately recovered by pulling out nine times the weaponry Pinky had. He let out the most terrified yelping as he threw his hat and sword on the plant, threw it their way, and ran out of the palace. He ran so fast, a cloud of dust collected behind him. He finally found an empty barrel to hide in and did so. With the lid sealed, he hoped he was safe... but he wasn't. The three bad guys had followed him and, as he heard their laughter outside, he felt the barrel being rolled roughly along.

All the tossing around left him a little dazed when the lid of the barrel finally opened. He squinted in the light beyond. The bad guys poked their heads in, scaring the living daylights out of Pinky, so he broke the bottom end of the barrel to try and escape. However, he wasn't watching where he was going, so he fell into a guillotine and couldn't get his head out. As he struggled, he tried to get calm. "What's going on here?" he asked. Then, upon looking around, he noticed a painting on the wall of Princess Penelope in a small cage with Captain Enigma on the outside in kingly garb, laughing at the poor girl's fate. Pinky looked to another wall and noticed three tombstones, all with the names of he and his friends. Then came the sound of evil laughter as a shadow appeared over Pinky. He looked up and noticed it was... "Captain _Enigma?!_" Pinky asked, horrified.

"I'm in such a good mood," said Captain Enigma before he pulled a lever, dropping the guillotine blade. Pinky panicked and (as impossible at first glance as it was) finally got his head through out of the guillotine. He ran off and the Enigma, as foolish as he was, went through the same hole to try to retrieve the little dog.

"Come back here, you little quivering coward!" the Enigma called out as he made his way through. Unfortunately, as he was making his way through, his wooden leg wasn't able to make it and got chopped off by the guillotine blade. He fell over and shed a few _manly _tears over the second loss of one quarter of his body.

Back at the palace, Steve was skittering down the hall, making his croaking noises all the way. He was urgently looking for Perry. When he found Perry, the platypus cried out, "Steve! Steve, slow down, boy, what is it?" Steve stuck out his tongue and attached it to Perry's hand and dragged him away. He took Perry to where Doofy was supposed to be. "Hey, where's Doofy?" Steve croaked sadly with meaning. "Pinky," Perry said in realization. He went over to where Pinky was supposed to be, but found nothing but the plant with Pinky's hat and sword still in place. "Something strange is going on around here."

After he said that, both Steve and Perry heard an insistent "_Psst, psst,_" coming from one of the suits of armor.

"Who's there?" asked Perry. "You better come out of there or I'm coming in after you!" his voice didn't convey the amount of strength and bravery he had originally intended. Despite his fear, he was ready for anything. The armor opened and the little shaky form of Pinky came out, looking shakier than normal. "Pinky? What's the big idea?! Come down from there!" Pinky did and Perry asked, "Why aren't you at your post?"

"We have to get Doofy and get out of here, man!" Pinky said, grabbing Perry's tunic in urgency.

"Doofy? Where is he? He isn't at his post either."

"Oh, no! He's already got Doofy!" Pinky grabbed Perry and tried to drag him away, but Perry needed answers.

"Wait, who's got Doofy? Pinky... stop!" Perry broke free of Pinky's grasp. "Pinky, are you nuts? What's going on?"

"The Enigma is going to kidnap Princess Penelope so that he can become king because he's really a bad guy and he has a secret lair and it's really dark and scary! So, the point is, he's gonna kill us if we get in his way, so we should run now as far away as we can!" Pinky's strong Latino accent didn't sound very close to English when he said this. It was worse so than normal, so Perry and Steve gave him blank stares. Steve, on Perry's wrist, looked at Perry and Perry looked back. Once they saw that neither of them knew, Perry had to say it.

"Pinky, I can't understand a word you say."

"_NO!_" Pinky was too exasperated to repeat it and too scared to stay. He scooped Perry up and began running.

"Put me down! We can't leave our posts like this; what would Captain Enigma say?"

"_Captain Enigma is the bad guy!_" Pinky said, as clearly as he could.

"Captain Enigma is the bad guy?" Perry repeated, sure that he heard the words, but not believing them. On his first chance, he grabbed onto something that could pull him away from Pinky's grasp. The thing happened to be a statue on one of the exits of the palace. Pinky stopped, noticing Perry was no longer in his grasp.

"Enigma's trying to kidnap the princess?" Perry asked after re-thinking the words Pinky had said earlier.

"_E__xactamente!_" said Pinky, glad to finally have gotten his point across.

"But... but he made us musketeers."

"It was all a lie!"

"A lie?" Perry was a little heartbroken, but he knew where his duty lied. "Well, lie or no lie, musketeers don't run from danger and, as long as we wear these uniforms, neither do we!"

"You said it!" Pinky tore off his musketeer clothes, leaving only a little collar and his hat (featherless) behind. "It's every dog for himself!" He started running off, but Perry's voice stopped him.

"Pinky, wait! Together, we can stop Captain Enigma! Remember how we rescued the princess?"

Pinky faltered. It was truth time... and he had hoped to have a few years before he revealed the secret. "I, uh... I was hiding," he said, ashamed.

"Hiding? Well, tonight you came back to warn us and that took courage, Pinky." He paused. "Come on, I'll be right beside you, because we're friends." Perry held out his hand, believing Pinky would take it.

"I just can't. I'm sorry." He ran off into the night.

"Pinky!" Perry watched his friend's silhouette disappear into the fog of the night. "Pinky?" Perry said sadly. At his feet, Steve was there with Perry's hat over him. He croaked sadly as Perry picked up the hat. "Thanks, boy." He put his hat on and wiped away the tears of loss from his eyes. As he did so, Steve skittered around, eyes darting about in all directions. "What is it? What is it, boy?"

It was revealed in the form of evil laughter. The dark silhouette hobbled out of the darkness to reveal Captain Enigma. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the one musketeer," the Enigma said mockingly.

"Captain Enigma, by the power vested in me as a musketeer, I arrest you!" said Perry, determined. He and Steve were the only brave ones left.

The Enigma laughed. "Oh, that's a nice one, mate, but how about this for size: By the power invested in my fist, I clobber you!" Perry gasped and tried to draw his sword, but the Enigma's fist came down on him before he could draw. He was knocked out cold. Steve skittered away. He needed to get help... and fast.

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><p><strong>Well, this all seems... horrible (Avengers reference). Will our three heroes escape? Will they still save the say? Find out next chapter! Please keep reading and reviewing, thanks :)<strong>


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